I will never forget the first naive time that I threw away my birth control pills and did the deed. I just knew that this was it, my whole life was going to be different, I was going to get pregnant immediately and while this thought was both exciting and scary I knew I was ready. Well as many of you know that was 134,064,561 cycles ago or July 1st of 2005.
Right away we began talking about names and making plans for our eventual offspring. I realized very quickly that Duke and I have very different ideas when it comes to naming a child. I like names with meaning behind them or a cool story or perhaps a favorite family member. Duke prefers something edgy and in the now but not too edgy, things like Pierce or Rescha (not even sure how to spell it but pronounced Ree-shaw) both perfectly fine names, if you don't live in a very small town where most children have never heard the name Pierce without it being associated with earrings.
Over time, as we have had plenty, we whittled the list down to two sets of names, one for a boy and one for a girl. We held on to these names through all the negatives, through the loss, through the breakdown and the eventual remodel of our marriage. The names were ones we had put thought into, perhaps I am over thinking the whole name thing but to me it is one of the most important first decisions you make as a parent. Your name is most likely with you forever and many people have very strong associations about/with names.
I think we really finalized the names we wanted right before our loss in 2006, when my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant and due the following August and we were all gathered as a family on 4th of July 2007 she was asking what we thought of various names and I made the largest mistake of opening my mouth and saying that the Only name that Duke and I agreed on was Lauren. Lauren Grace to be exact, I went on and on (blame the wine) about how beautiful it flowed with our last name and it was feminine while being strong and how the sound of it just made me happy.
I can't say for sure when or where my sister-in-law decided to name her child but her name is Lauren Elizabeth and she is beautiful, happy and sweet. I could lie and say it didn't hurt but it broke a small piece of my heart. It was one more thing being taken away from me because I didn't win the big baby race, when in fact I couldn't even enter my body in the qualifying event. I cried privately for that loss not wanting the Duke to know how much it bothered me. Not wanting others to think I was a poor sport or so bitter that I couldn't be happy for another person’s fortune. It never occurred to me that Duke may have been upset by this until one night when we were watching TV and he announced that should we have a daughter we would be naming her Ultimate Lauren One or Lauren the First. We laughed and I cried (as a side note several other people in my husband's family called me privately to see how I was feeling about the name) and I just figured that when the time came we would somehow find a name that made us as happy as that one.
I know that we don't know the sex of the baby yet, my hunch however is girl, and I have become rather obsessed with finding an alternative name should it really turn out to be a girl. I didn't realize how much so until I read Carole's post yesterday and was leaving a comment and all of my old anger and bitterness came bubbling to the top. Duke and I discussed it over brunch today and he says what the hell we can name her Lauren if we want to. In fact I believe he said he would dare anyone in his family to say a single word about it.
As with every other decision in my life Internets I am asking you, are two children named Lauren too much for one family? I should say that we do not see his sister often, usually not more than four times a year and in the two years we have lived in Southern Oregon(where her mother and father live) they have never come to our home. So here are my questions:
Has anyone ever used a name they know you love?
Would you still use that name if you are not close with that person?
Do you have any names to throw into our hat (that you will not be using of course...I am slightly sensitive to that)?
Thank you in advance for the assvice, I absolutely love it.
