10 Weeks 6 Days

Dear Left Tube,

It has been 10w 6d since you left my body, have no fear I know you put up quite the fight to stay right where you were and I am sorry that our parting was not under better circumstances. I have, as always, been keeping up my reading of various blogs and in my readings I noticed that there is a lot of, "I'm 20 Weeks!" and "You are now 4 Months old!" so my dear tube I felt that since I am farther than ever from having a baby I would jump on the bandwagon and write a letter to you for you must certainly be curious of all the happenings and going ons since you so rudely abruptly peaced out.

To start with physically I am doing pretty good. Your old pal Righty never gives me any trouble. That bitch on the left however is on my last nerve. Some days she is nice and quiet but others it feels like she is knifing me from the inside out. How you put up with her shit for so long I will never know. My scars are starting to fade a bit but I don't think my belly button will ever be the same. I am running and doing some light weights..abs still leave me all crampy so I have been doing them sparingly. I have also been doing a little yoga, although I haven't been back since the day they were talking about breathing from your center, where all life begins and I started to cry...namaste my ass.

Emotionally I am good most of the time. Duke and I are at this numb crossroad. I have been offered a job in San Fransisco as a fl*ght Attend*nt and a job in Edmonton as a nanny. I am going to Edmonton for a week to see how I feel about being there. C. is not doing so well, the tumor has grown and she is now doing everyday radiation. Her attitude sucks and my thought is that maybe if I am there she will at least have someone to lean on. On the other hand being a FA is a one time opportunity. Oh lefty, I know if you were here you would be able to help me decide...okay so probably not but I want you to know that you are missed.

The only other thing weighing on my mind these days is how to write this blog. it began out of frustration from lack of conceiving and from that I found a wonderful network of people. Now that I am back on the pill I feel like my member card should be yanked. Not that I ever wanted that card to begin with but at least I didn't feel so alone. Perhaps my friends inside the computer will read this and have some idea of how I can fit in while swimming through this new chapter of my life. I so never thought that this is where I would be.

Okay lefty I have yammered long enough. I will be in touch soon and again thank you. You held on far longer than you should have, everyone says so. In fact I believe the word miracle was used to describe you more than once. Take care and don't worry you really aren't missing much.

Comments

[DDM]

I say that despite yanking your member card, how things have evolved for you are still a part of your personal story. I do hope that you'll keep writing.

[spacemom]

So, change the theme of your blog.. No one will mind as long as you keep writing.

[Brrr]

I'm sorry for your very personal and emotional loss. But I don't think you should quite writing at all. Take us all on your new adventures with you! Good or bad, writing will help you through anything.

[Meri-ann]

Hey there you,

Even though lefty didn't stick around, I'd really like it if you did.... We're here for you, k? x

[Coral]

Can I give you some advice? If you take the FA job, you will have more time to spend with your sister, as you will get days off. That would be my personal choice. I am glad you are back, and I hope you don't stay away too long between posts.
xx

[GW]

We may have started reading your story hoping that you would have a baby, but, we kept coming back because we like YOU. We want to know what is going on with YOU. So, please keep writing!

Totally unsolicited advice - take the F.A. job. You will have more days off and probably the opportunity to fly to Edmonton whenever you have a day off. And it probably has benefits. Just my two cents.

Gretchen

[Carole]

Everything you write here is relevant, whether it's about TTC or not. You're having a crossroads... write through it. It will help you more than you know.

Go for the FA job.

[Torrie]

Great post.
Blogs evolve. This blog should be whatever YOU want it to be.

[shazz]

I enjoyed the read......thankyou. I use to write nearly everyday, but know its when I need to or want to.........just let it be how you want and when you want!
xx

[Jen]

I came via Creme de la Creme. This post made me giggle and also made me sad. I hope you get what you want soon.

[KateW]

Another one from Creme de la Creme. I, too, found myself all at the same time giggling and being sad. This was a very enjoyable read.
-Kate