Absurd

I hit publish on Monday and breathed a huge sigh of relief to put that story out there, to have people help carry a little of the fear and doubt.

Then I went to dinner on Tuesday we were meeting my SIL and BIL (they are my husband's stepmother's son and wife...but we like them so much we would choose them for family) and their two kids. I had been looking forward to the outing all day and was fully unprepared for the news they would deliver.

A good family friend (and my SIL's best friend) found out on Monday that her baby had passed away, her and I have been trading notes on and off throughout our pregnancies as she is only a week behind me. She felt decreased movement on Sunday and when she went in on Monday the baby had already died. After a very long a difficult induction she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy this morning.

For obvious reasons I am physically staying far away from the family but I was able to help set up Now I Lay me Down to Sleep and after talking to the wonderful JDEGirl I was able to pass on sound advice that helped my SIL feel more prepared for today's events and the events that are to come in the following weeks.

I feel horrible that they have to go through this, I feel sick that it came on the heels of me telling her my story and I feel guilty that my baby is okay and hers is not. Her story is not mine to tell and the only reason I am writing about it is that when it came time to set up the crib on Wednesday night I found myself almost shouting NO at Duke. That and the nightmares I have had the last two nights and the panic attack I had at dinner tell me how affected I really am, so I am doing the only thing I know to do and that is turn to you to help me shoulder some of the fear, guilt and sadness.

Comments

[Maura]

I can only imagine how painful and difficult this is. You did a wonderful thing by arranging for NILMDTS and I hope the feelings of guilt will fade, for you have nothing to feel guilty about. You know you always have a shoulder when you need it.

[PrincessJenn]

OH sweetie. I'm so sorry. Big hugs and love. Maura is right. You have no reason to feel guilt. Just focus on looking after yourself and your family

[Spacemom]

OH man,

I understand you feeling guilt, but you need to try to let it go. I am sorry for your friend's loss. It is so hard to lose your child at anytime...

If it helps, we set up the bedroom early for Soleil,(I was on bedrest from week 33 on) but we didn't tighten the last 2 screws on the crib until she came home. We did the same thing with Luna since she was also keen on coming home early.

We just felt better not assuming... if that makes sense.... hang in there

[alison]

I'm so sorry sweetie. That is beyond unimaginable. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! xo

[Al_Pal]

Oh, god, how painful. ;(

A friend of mine lost her baby due to an umbilical cord accident. So sad! (She got pregnant again, and now has a toddler and another one on the way. Hope will return.)

*HUGS*

[Kellee]

That is just so etirely awful!! Much love to you and your extended family.