To write in actuality what our birth story is would only require about two minutes and six sentences seeing as I was a scheduled c-section. There was no real drama or intense decisions to be made. There was no pain before and thanks to morphine none after. There was however truckloads, boatfuls and canyons deep with emotion.
Monday November 3rd 2008
9:45 AM
I went to my normal appointment to be checked. I was officially 39w 4d and there was NOTHING. I told Dr. B that I was not leaving without an exit strategy; we worked out my odds of ever going into labor on my own. I sat and weighed all of my options and tried to listen to my gut. My gut told me this baby was not coming out, as badly as I wanted that I just knew.
11:30AM
My 4,654,735,623 NST is routine, I am having small contractions as I had been for the last three weeks, a whole lot of smoke and no fire. One thing I notice is that Sasha’s heart rate drops a little with every contraction, this is after an incident at around 37 weeks where I had one big contraction and her heart rate dipped into the 90’s and took two full minutes to recover. I have no desire as long as I am breathing air to re-live those two minutes of my life. I feel mixed emotions about the c-section but decided to stay the course.
7:30PM
Head out for one Last Dinner of Just Grownups with good friends. It feels strange that by this time tomorrow I will have been a full fledged parent for twelve hours already. We laugh and joke with no grasp of the full extent our lives are about to change.
9:30PM
Take a shower and scrub with the special soap they have given me make a mental note to use this against Sasha when she is a teenager…it smells awful.
10:15PM – 4:00AM
Toss, turn, rinse, repeat. There is no sleep for me. Duke on the other hand sleeps like a baby. I use this time to catch up on my DVR recordings and to panic and wonder if I made the right choice to become a parent. I decided it was a little late to worry and that no matter what I would love her and care for her the best that I could.
Tuesday November 4th 2008
4:15AM
Take another disgusting shower with the nasty soap. I can’t wait for the first time she wants to take my car.
5:30AM
Check-in at hospital; get situated in my room, changed in to my gown. The nurse comes in to start my IV, misses the first time. After missing a second time she leaves and comes back with a second nurse who decides she will try my right arm instead. This is my dominant hand; never have the IV put in your dominant hand. As soon as all the paperwork is done (an amusing side note, they have you sign a form saying anything they take out of you becomes property of the hospital with the exception of the baby. Please make sure you take the baby with you. Really? The Hospital felt they needed to clarify this?)
6:45- 7:15AM
Duke and I are sitting around waiting, there is a shift change going on with the nurses. My stomach is going ape shit over the fact that very, very shortly I am going to meet this person who has been living in me. It is a total Game On and Get Your Shit Together You Are Going to Be a Parent moment.
***********************TMI!!! Poop Story to Follow!!! TMI*******************
I must take three maybe four trips to the bathroom you know because my intestines are trying to escape my body. This is not a time for your dominant hand to be out of commission. I had not trained my left hand for an event of this proportion. I was the size of a whale trying to wipe my ass with a hand whose normal task is to collect the toilet paper from the roll. This second string player was not up to the task. After I did the best I could I made Duke look at my ass. He was very hesitant at first, even refusing until I pointed out with tears in my eyes that I was about to be strapped to a table, filleted like a fish and I did not want the good people of the hospital to think that I could not properly care for myself let alone a tiny helpless baby. So he looked and proclaimed that my butt was fine but that I needed to get a grip, I was there to have a baby not film porn. This made us both laugh and laugh and laugh and then my doctor entered the room…early.
7:15-8:15AM
As he entered and announced we were ready to roll I am pretty sure my heart stopped for a minute. I hopped out of bed slipped on Duke’s flip-flops and grabbed the two little bottles of stomach acid reducer I was supposed to drink before surgery. I asked if I should drink them now and the Doc replied that I should have had those 20 minutes ago. So there we are the three of us, Dr. B, Duke and I walking across the maternity ward, opening little airplane sized bottles of antacid, my ass hanging out of my gown, Duke fiddling with the camera.
We are stopped in front of double doors I had not been through since 2006 when I had emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy. I am making jokes and then I am “introduced” to my nurses for the day. Mary and Christina will be with me all day. Christina is a new nurse who is being proctored by Mary she is sweet and caring and I am very happy to have her be part of my team. When everyone is about to see you naked I have decided it is better to think of it as a team affair. Mary was my admitting nurse when I had the ectopic. She was the one who talked me out of the bathroom and promised me I would make it through, she held me while I cried and comforted me when I howled and shouted that I knew I was never going to be a parent. She ran interference for me with my in-laws before I knew how to do it myself. It is because of Mary That I made it through the ectopic and I had only seen her once in passing since then. She recognized me and gave me a very knowing smile.
It was time to head into the OR, Duke would wait outside while they got me on the table and gave me my spinal and whatnot. There are two sets of doors the first set takes you into the OR hallway and then there is another set into the actual surgical suite. Mary and I stood there together waiting for the okay to come in. She looked at me and said, “I guess life does come full circle sometimes, I am happy to be here with you right now.” To which I promptly lost my shit. I had been doing okay until that moment but I just started to cry and repeat, “I can’t believe I made it, I hope I am making the right choice for a c-section.” We talked and cried for a minute more and then the door opened and we went in.
Once inside I was introduced to the rest of The Team, there was Dr. A, a very awesome anesthesiologist who used aromatherapy (and drugs) when I started to feel sick during the surgery. Angela a nurse who had done most of my NSTs was there as my surgical nurse for the day. It was an operating room full of women with the exception of my Doctor. It was My Dream Team and they were helping me over the last hurdle to make my dream come true. There was so much love in that room, so much hope and excitement. I asked Mary and Angela if it was always like this and they told me not very often.
They placed my spinal and man was that a trip, I had a moment of panic at not being able to move but Mary just held my hand tighter. Duke was brought in and was standing by my head, he would have sat down but I wouldn’t let go of Mary. Dr. B started the surgery and we all held our breath.
7:45AM- 7:00 PM
The cord is short and around her neck. Mary leans into me and tells me how smart it was to choose a c-section any other way could have been catastrophic. Dr. B comments that the baby looks like her father and just like that there is screaming from Sasha and crying from me and Duke and everyone one else. Duke kisses me and then goes to Sasha, Mary lets go of my hand for the first time and takes pictures. I try to remember to breath and I try to remember to remember and then things go fuzzy. Dr. A pushes something into my IV and the world becomes sharp again; she will repeat this process two more times. Duke and Sasha leave for our birthing suite and they stitch and staple me and then take me back to the birthing suite for recovery. For the next hour and a half they are checking vitals and bleeding and my uterus which contracts down at an astonishing speed. Mary pushes pain drugs into my IV and helps me latch Sasha for a first go round of breastfeeding. The next twelve hours pass in an instant. President Obama is announced as the winner (I am told this the next day) and I fall in love with a little lady named Sasha.
The rest of hospital stay was not without incidence, I had a very hard second night but that is another story for another time. Sasha is here now, every step was worth it.
She is my greatest joy.
