The Duchess

Welcome

Born on Wednesday March 3rd at 9:01am weighing 6.14 lbs and 18.75 inches long:

Claire Elizabeth

welcomed with love

 

*birth story to come as soon as I am not nursing around the clock and chasing Sasha - so you know sometime in the next five years *

 

We are having a........19w2d Updated!

GIRL!!!!!

Everything looks perfect, perfect heart, perfect pinky, perfect nose. We are thrilled to bits to add a little more noise and whole lot of sunshine to our home come March. 

To My Dearest.

My Dearest Sasha,

I have been meaning to write this letter to you since about month seven of my pregnancy. I had bought a baby book and there was a special envelope for a letter to baby from Mommy. I haven't gotten around to putting a letter on actual paper but believe me my dear I write to you daily in my head.

I am having surgery in the morning and while I expect to be home and whining by dinnertime this last year has taught me that life can and will change in an instant and it is important to seize the time you have when you have it. These things are important to me and I hope someday we will sit and laugh at how I was afraid and so I wrote them all down. My hope is by the time you are old enough to need this advice you will be very sick of hearing it. From me. This is not a full list, which will go in the baby book, but this is a good start.

Things to Remember

You are so loved. You were so wanted and loved before I ever met the you that you are. I longed for you, dreamed for you, and craved you. The day that we met was easily the best and worst day, imagine having everything you have dreamed of handed to you in a 7.7 pound squalling package, everyone looks to the mom for answers but the truth is that we were just meeting for the first time (I have never felt that kind of fear and joy at the same time) and I had no clue what I was doing. Before you I had never seen what innately good really was. Your spirit and joy for everything around you is infectious as is your constant smile and laughter. Your eyes are so wise it is almost like you are saying not to worry you and I will be okay, we will take this adventure together.

Be kind to everyone you meet. There is never a reason to be mean to people, you never know what is going on in their lives and you never know when you may need help from someone. The same goes for if you are having a bad time, there is no reason to take it out on others. You would be surprised how far a kind word and smile will get you. Always smile at other women; this may seem weird for me to say but something happens around middle school and girls can be mean and awkward and a smile can disarm a situation like nothing else. Also you are stunning inside and out when you smile.

Be fair and honest, lying never helps anything and unless you memory is flawless it usually catches up with you. Be kind to all the people you meet. Always tip 20%. If the service is awful go with 15% trust me the server will get the message with a 15% tip, they may be having a bad night but they are still tipping out every other person in the restaurant (that's right sometimes as much as 40 percent of what they are tipped). Donate generously whether it be time or money there is nothing more rewarding than knowing you have given to help make the world better (Go ask Grandma to tell you the starfish story)

People will say things to you, about you and sometimes for you. Own your voice and know that you are who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't let ANYONE tell you there is ANYTHING wrong with you. My biggest regret in life has been my over concern of what other people think of me. In the end you have to like you, also please make sure you love yourself before you ever try and love someone else. Never compromise your morals or potential just to make someone else happy.

Drink Slurpees in the summer and hot chocolate in the winter, go on spring break, please don't TP houses (Again go ask Grandma to tell you the story about Aunt C.) Get a job learn how to drive a stick, sleep in, go to the beach, love all music, travel, love, live.

If you ever can't talk to me you can always talk to Aunt J. She can answer anything and everything plus she knows more about beauty products than any human should and she is good at math and making mac and cheese. She can fill in the blanks and hold your hand when need be. She rescued me when I didn't even know I was lost. She is the perfect example of choosing your family. Not all family shares blood with you, you create and surround yourself with those people who are genuine. Some of the best people in life are friends.

Your father is a good, caring man;  he loves you fiercely and would do anything for you. Be patient with him, you are his little lady and that will never change. You will always be the tiny girl that he brought home in ladybug pajamas. Yes his love of golf is annoying but so is my shoe collection and coffee habit.

I wanted to name you Lorelai...any questions about that one can be answered by the Gilmore Girls and your father.

I love you bug and I will do anything in my power to make sure you and I go on this adventure together, even in the mandatory teenage hating years I will win you back one emo song, latte, and Nordstrom trip at a time.

You are now and forever my greatest joy.

Love,

Your Mom

Birth Story

To write in actuality what our birth story is would only require about two minutes and six sentences seeing as I was a scheduled c-section. There was no real drama or intense decisions to be made. There was no pain before and thanks to morphine none after. There was however truckloads, boatfuls and canyons deep with emotion.

Monday November 3^rd 2008

 

9:45 AM

I went to my normal appointment to be checked. I was officially 39w 4d and there was NOTHING. I told Dr. B that I was not leaving without an exit strategy; we worked out my odds of ever going into labor on my own. I sat and weighed all of my options and tried to listen to my gut. My gut told me this baby was not coming out, as badly as I wanted that I just knew.

 

11:30AM

My 4,654,735,623 NST is routine, I am having small contractions as I had been for the last three weeks, a whole lot of smoke and no fire. One thing I notice is that Sasha’s heart rate drops a little with every contraction, this is after an incident at around 37 weeks where I had one big contraction and her heart rate dipped into the 90’s and took two full minutes to recover. I have no desire as long as I am breathing air to re-live those two minutes of my life. I feel mixed emotions about the c-section but decided to stay the course.

 

7:30PM

Head out for one Last Dinner of Just Grownups with good friends. It feels strange that by this time tomorrow I will have been a full fledged parent for twelve hours already. We laugh and joke with no grasp of the full extent our lives are about to change.

 

9:30PM

Take a shower and scrub with the special soap they have given me make a mental note to use this against Sasha when she is a teenager…it smells awful.

 

10:15PM – 4:00AM

Toss, turn, rinse, repeat. There is no sleep for me. Duke on the other hand sleeps like a baby. I use this time to catch up on my DVR recordings and to panic and wonder if I made the right choice to become a parent. I decided it was a little late to worry and that no matter what I would love her and care for her the best that I could.

 

Tuesday November 4^th 2008

 

4:15AM

Take another disgusting shower with the nasty soap. I can’t wait for the first time she wants to take my car.

 

5:30AM

Check-in at hospital; get situated in my room, changed in to my gown. The nurse comes in to start my IV, misses the first time. After missing a second time she leaves and comes back with a second nurse who decides she will try my right arm instead. This is my dominant hand; never have the IV put in your dominant hand. As soon as all the paperwork is done (an amusing side note, they have you sign a form saying anything they take out of you becomes property of the hospital with the exception of the baby. Please make sure you take the baby with you. Really? The Hospital felt they needed to clarify this?)

 

6:45- 7:15AM

Duke and I are sitting around waiting, there is a shift change going on with the nurses. My stomach is going ape shit over the fact that very, very shortly I am going to meet this person who has been living in me. It is a total Game On and Get Your Shit Together You Are Going to Be a Parent moment.

***********************TMI!!! Poop Story to Follow!!! TMI*******************

 I must take three maybe four trips to the bathroom you know because my intestines are trying to escape my body. This is not a time for your dominant hand to be out of commission. I had not trained my left hand for an event of this proportion. I was the size of a whale trying to wipe my ass with a hand whose normal task is to collect the toilet paper from the roll. This second string player was not up to the task. After I did the best I could I made Duke look at my ass. He was very hesitant at first, even refusing until I pointed out with tears in my eyes that I was about to be strapped to a table, filleted like a fish and I did not want the good people of the hospital to think that I could not properly care for myself let alone a tiny helpless baby. So he looked and proclaimed that my butt was fine but that I needed to get a grip, I was there to have a baby not film porn. This made us both laugh and laugh and laugh and then my doctor entered the room…early.

 

7:15-8:15AM

As he entered and announced we were ready to roll I am pretty sure my heart stopped for a minute. I hopped out of bed slipped on Duke’s flip-flops and grabbed the two little bottles of stomach acid reducer I was supposed to drink before surgery. I asked if I should drink them now and the Doc replied that I should have had those 20 minutes ago. So there we are the three of us, Dr. B, Duke and I walking across the maternity ward, opening little airplane sized bottles of antacid, my ass hanging out of my gown, Duke fiddling with the camera.

We are stopped in front of double doors I had not been through since 2006 when I had emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy. I am making jokes and then I am “introduced” to my nurses for the day. Mary and Christina will be with me all day. Christina is a new nurse who is being proctored by Mary she is sweet and caring and I am very happy to have her be part of my team. When everyone is about to see you naked I have decided it is better to think of it as a team affair. Mary was my admitting nurse when I had the ectopic. She was the one who talked me out of the bathroom and promised me I would make it through, she held me while I cried and comforted me when I howled and shouted that I knew I was never going to be a parent. She ran interference for me with my in-laws before I knew how to do it myself. It is because of Mary That I made it through the ectopic and I had only seen her once in passing since then. She recognized me and gave me a very knowing smile.

 

It was time to head into the OR, Duke would wait outside while they got me on the table and gave me my spinal and whatnot. There are two sets of doors the first set takes you into the OR hallway and then there is another set into the actual surgical suite. Mary and I stood there together waiting for the okay to come in. She looked at me and said, “I guess life does come full circle sometimes, I am happy to be here with you right now.” To which I promptly lost my shit. I had been doing okay until that moment but I just started to cry and repeat, “I can’t believe I made it, I hope I am making the right choice for a c-section.” We talked and cried for a minute more and then the door opened and we went in.

Once inside I was introduced to the rest of The Team, there was Dr. A, a very awesome anesthesiologist who used aromatherapy (and drugs) when I started to feel sick during the surgery. Angela a nurse who had done most of my NSTs was there as my surgical nurse for the day. It was an operating room full of women with the exception of my Doctor. It was My Dream Team and they were helping me over the last hurdle to make my dream come true. There was so much love in that room, so much hope and excitement. I asked Mary and Angela if it was always like this and they told me not very often.

They placed my spinal and man was that a trip, I had a moment of panic at not being able to move but Mary just held my hand tighter. Duke was brought in and was standing by my head, he would have sat down but I wouldn’t let go of Mary. Dr. B started the surgery and we all held our breath.

 

7:45AM- 7:00 PM

The cord is short and around her neck. Mary leans into me and tells me how smart it was to choose a c-section any other way could have been catastrophic. Dr. B comments that the baby looks like her father and just like that there is screaming from Sasha and crying from me and Duke and everyone one else. Duke kisses me and then goes to Sasha, Mary lets go of my hand for the first time and takes pictures. I try to remember to breath and I try to remember to remember and then things go fuzzy. Dr. A pushes something into my IV and the world becomes sharp again; she will repeat this process two more times. Duke and Sasha leave for our birthing suite and they stitch and staple me and then take me back to the birthing suite for recovery. For the next hour and a half they are checking vitals and bleeding and my uterus which contracts down at an astonishing speed. Mary pushes pain drugs into my IV and helps me latch Sasha for a first go round of breastfeeding. The next twelve hours pass in an instant. President Obama is announced as the winner (I am told this the next day) and I fall in love with a little lady named Sasha.

The rest of hospital stay was not without incidence, I had a very hard second night but that is another story for another time. Sasha is here now, every step was worth it.

She is my greatest joy.

 

It is Official...

The Duke and Duchess have welcomed a Lady

Sasha Grace

was born on Tuesday at 7:45 am she is 7 pounds, 7 ounces and 19.25 inches long.

She is the most amazing creature I have ever met.

 

 

 

An update of sorts

I apologize for my lack of updates; all is well and quiet for the most part in the kingdom. My Nanna took a very nasty fall that landed her in the ICU last week so last weekend Duke and I drove to Portland Saturday night so I could see her on Sunday. She has a shattered pelvis, broken ribs, a broken cheek bone and two separate brain bleeds that seem to have stopped on their own. She has a comfort measures only DNR and it is more than likely she will never leave the hospital. I have a lot to say about my Nanna (I know this may seem spelled wrong but in my family we spelled it Nanna and instead of Grandpa we call him Poppa) but that will be saved for another day.

I had my first regular OB appointment on Monday and as of last Saturday there has been no more bleeding - nothing! I was worried it would start again after my exam and cultures were done but there was absolutely nothing. Puking however continues to be my favorite and only pastime. I have lost about 14 pounds and this is with eating every two hours. However with that being said I can no longer button my regular pants...they are loose everywhere except my lower abdomen SO I stole Duke's jeans and while they are a little big they pass as acceptable for the time being and they are made by seven which are like my old ones.

So all in all the last week has been a little bad a little good and a lot of normal life which is a relief. Duke and I are going on vacation for 10 days starting on Tuesday, first we start with three days in Miami at this hotel and then we head to Cancun and 7 wonderful days at this resort. I am not sure the laptop situation but if I can I will update.

Have a happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Worth a million words

Ultrasound #2

The ultrasound looked perfect this morning. A perfect yolk sac and bouncing baby bean with a heart rate of 153 bpm.

To say that we are thrilled is an understatement of gigantic proportions. Doc Wonder reports that the spotting is nothing and there was none visible today. I am officially being released to an OB this week. We also discussed my mounting levels of anxiety and my options at this point for handling it. I am going to try and call upon my skills of meditation and regular sleep and exercises and eating. I have been lacking in all three as of the last week and have been paying dearly with rolling anxiety/panic attacks. If I still don't have it under control at 13, 14 weeks we will talk about other options.

All in all I feel like a woman who has been pardoned. Today is a good day.

Ultrasound #1

Sorry for my lack of promised updates yesterday. It would appear that there is a nice yolk sac and fetal pole apparently my math was off and I was 5w4d yesterday...a little early to see a heartbeat - I hope. I hope that that is just not what he told me to keep me calm.

In another related note the puke fest has begun, I am not a tosser by nature so I am most displeased by this current change. Also today was my first day back at the gym and it felt AMAZING! I did some water aerobics and it was rather soothing but hard at the same time, it is definitely not the same high as running but it will do for now.

I am off to get a mani/pedi before Duke and I head off to San Deigo to stay at this fabulous hotel for the next four days.

Beta #4

Beta #4 at 25 dpiui was............... 7200!!!! (or something close to that I forgot the last two numbers and the nurse didn't have my chart in front of her)

First ultrasound tomorrow morning, I promise to update then.