The Duchess

This Kingdom is on the move!

So sorry to be so quiet! I am still alive and someone is kicking all the time. Things are on the move in this Kingdom. Not content to nest in my 1400 sq.ft. house, Duke and I are moving to a beautiful 2800 sq.ft. home...in a week. That is seven days from now. SEVEN!  And in seven days I will be a full seven months pregnant AND we are going to San Francisco next Sunday morning for four days! Tomorrow I hit 27 weeks and while I breezed through my glucose screen I failed my anemia test rather spectacularly - extra iron for me! It would seem to be helping as I no longer need 14+ hours of sleep, I am down to around 10+ a huge improvement considering a non-pregnant me needs at least 8-9. I promise to update tomorrow - with pictures too!

How is that for bribery?

Slamming On The Brakes

Sorry I haven't written since I moved, I have been wallowing in misery. When I am not sitting around moaning or watching daytime TV I am cleaning, cooking, unpacking and running. I have had a couple of interviews but no job yet. I am a little bored but mostly I am just trying to get to know myself again, it's been a long time since I have done that...oh and I lost my cell phone while out of town this weekend so I REALLY don't have anyone to talk to. I am so homesick some days that I feel like I can't breathe. The Duke has been very sweet and loving, I think he thinks if he is sweet enough that I won't notice I am missing the other 20 or so people who regularly fill up my time.

The town we moved to is nice. It is small and hot and much more brown than Portland but it is nice nonetheless. As soon as I crossed the 45th parallel I lost all fashion sense. I have taken to a regular uniform of t-shirts and running shorts with flip-flops and bright purple toe nails. If my friends and family back home knew of this they would totally call me out for being depressed (a typical day of dressing for me usually includes a skirt and heels...the higher the better) down here no one notices. I don't want you all to think of me as a snob but I do own a wardrobe that I am very proud of. It includes some of the larger fashion houses (Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton) mixed with cheaper pieces that come together to look very polished now I just live in my ponytail. This is partly my fault for  not getting out there more and trying to make friends and for not being more adventurous in exploring the town but I just don't feel like it yet.

Today I am going to make a pie for Duke. He has been driving 3 hours a day to and from the town where he is doing his internship just so I won't have to stay alone. He says he does this because he wants to but secretly I think he may be worried that he is going to come home and find that my things and me have headed north. All comments are appreciated at this very lonely time for me...my yahoo account has been on the fritz so if I don't reply to you by email then I will do so under the comments....thanks guys.

Disconnection and Other things

The Duke couldn't take it so he hooked the computer back up for one last day. I miss you all already. I am however feeling much much better. I was lavished with some very nice parting gifts at work and a few of us are going for lunch today.

The flu has passed but I still feel like I am going to puke every time I eat or think about eating. This has been my MO for years when it comes to stress. I just need to sit tight and ride through it to the other side. The packers will arrive in the morning. A team of eight men to dismantle my life here in Portland and cart it down south. I alternate between bouts of denial and crying...I had almost forgot what a shitty process grief is and let me tell you I am grieving for my way of life. I know that in time I will find a new way but it will never be the same as it is now. This isn't the first time I have moved away from here but it will probably be the last.

I will miss many things in Portland. My mother, sister, nephew, friends, roses, coffee, Nordstrom, running group, the waterfront, the pearl district, my esthetician, my nail tech (all who have come to be my friends), restaurants, hotels, shows. But as all good things must my time has come to an end here. I have 72 hours (and change) left here in Portland, I am out of here to go and enjoy it.

I will catch you on the flip side.

Clam Chowder is Safe Again

I have the flu. It completely mimics The Duke's symptoms. I am however still at work, on this my last day. I will not have any Internet access for the next week or so. I already tore down my home computer and as this is my last 2 hours at work, and I may still puke again, I don't see anyway for me to post again. The fucking sucky-est (not a real word but I am going to have to ask you to work with me people) thing was my whole office was going to go out to lunch for Mexican and margarita's... finally my time to shine and perhaps collect some small trinkets of remembrance and I get the frickin flu. No lunch for me. No trinkets and The Duke is still 5 hours away and won't be home until later tonight.

I am whiny and all I want to do is cry. Next up moving......

Nothing In Life Is Free

I found The Duke, he was asleep in his hotel room with the TV blaring and didn't hear the phone. I have a post about why I freak out about that (it really has nothing to do with him) for later but for now a quick re-cap of the weekend.

I went on the riverboat thing and hung out with my friend J. and we went for a drink after the boat thing and then I went home and The Duke and I decided to go look at some laptops as I am in the market for one and then we hit S*bway and Bl*ckbuster and then it was off to home. They were getting ready to close at S*bway so they were giving away the soup for free. It was clam chowder to be exact. For free. At 9:30 on a Friday night. I was not interested at all in the free fish soup but the Duke was all over it so we go home and eat our yummy sammy's and The Duke mainlines his FREE clam chowder and we watch a movie and go to bed.

***WARNING GROSSNESS ABOUT TO HAPPEN, DO NOT EAT AND READ AT THE SAME TIME***

At around 3:45 am I am awakened by a hit to the back of the head followed by The Duke leaping from the bed and running to the bathroom where he proceeds to hurl with such force and conviction that I actually think he might be dying. Rinse and repeat for the next NINE hours and you have my Saturday. A note to all men, women and children; If you are using the toilet at the same time you need to vomit please just dump the contents of the trash on the floor (especially if the special lady in your life has the reds in town) before using it. thank.you.very.much. This was the moment I knew I was in the marriage for life.

The moral of this story: nothing in life is free, especially clam chowder from S*bway.

Dear Lord

Good God I have had the better part of two bottles of wine with my friend L. and now all I can think about is the fact that I am fat feeling, un-pregnant, kind of drunk and missing my easy going college days.

It is 10:35 here and I haven't heard from The Duke. Even though I don't think he would ever misbehave...if you know what I mean...this is disconcerting, but more on that later.

I am tired and yet I have so far to go. We are moving in 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS. I hate moving and while I don't actually have to pack anything myself I still have to go to the town we are moving to which is punishment enough and tomorrow I only have 6 days left of work (which reminds me that I have been employed since the age of fourteen and yet I feel bad because I haven't found a job yet) and I am leaving early tomorrow because I said I have a doctor's appointment but in reality I am going on this thing called an early escape cruise which is where a big boat rolls up and down the river while a live band plays and there is food and drink and some of my so called friends will be there and some of my real friends and the white banana Republic shorts I want to wear aren't clean ...and none of this stuff I am writing will probably make sense tomorrow but now 7 people in my real life are pregnant and  I am still not one of them and this sucks. S.U.C.K.S. So as you can see I have issues people I.S.S.U.E.S.

I am just so tired of living alone, and even when I am not I feel alone. I realize in the long run this move will be good but in the short run (does such a thing exist) I just think it is stinky feet...no good at all, and I don't want to leave my sister and my mum.

Did I mention I can't get a hold of The Duke?

Phew

I promise I have a full update coming soon but until then...

Dinner: Went better than expected. My stepsister ended up joining us half way through and while it put a different spin on things it was still a better than expected meeting. In fact it prompted my stepmother to see if I wanted to have breakfast with her, and I did on Saturday.

Breakfast: Went WAY better than expected. I finally feel at peace with several things. It was an enormous weight lifted off of me. A weight that I am not even sure I knew I was carrying. I even managed to tell my Mom about it and she was very proud of me...so not the reaction I expected but one I was happy to receive.

Moving: All things full steam ahead. We should arrive in the new town in exactly 1 month.

Babies: I am still not pregnant. No big shock there as I have seen my husband all of 8 days this month. I have however been blindsided by one baby shower (the invite got to me late) and I have another one coming up on Saturday. The first one wasn't bad it was pretty laid back and I rewarded my self with new shoes. The second one may bring me down. Good news is that we fly out later that night to the boiling hot Chicago so I won't have too much time to wallow.

Moving

My flight landed at 6:00 am this morning. Below is a quick recap of my weekend:

I don't want to move.

On Our Anniversary

Two years ago today

I gave my name away

It was one of the happiest days I ever had

I can still remember your smiling Dad

We have big changes coming in life

Some of them may cause us strife

But with you by my side

I can ride any ride

You're the best part of my life

Thank you for letting me be your wife

I love you more than anyone in the world. Happy 2^nd *Anniversary

*Okay so I am a little late posting this, it was actually on the 1^st of July.

                                                

Fighting

The Duke and I had a gigantic big huge horrible fight on Saturday. We each were at fault and we each knew we should have walked away.

It shook us. We fought about the new business, babies, money, work, moving. All of our frustrations and fears from the last 6 months came out in about 45 minutes. He then had to leave for business the next day.

We made up and apologized but we are still like wary little animals who are in the corner licking their word wounds. I know all people have arguments but I also know that we each come from homes where marriages (sometimes multiple) ended in divorce. It scares me when we have a fight. I worry "Did I chose the right partner?", "Do other couples fight too?". Please keep in mind that our disagreements are normally very small and v.v.rarely about the "big" things in life (we are both very headstrong). I just become V.V. insecure when we have a big argument. This is probably from the fact that I only saw my parents fight once and the next thing I knew it was over.

We are okay but it was hard to have him leave on Sunday. I am going to make the 2 hour drive tonight and see him and then drive back in the morning for work. I am looking forward to seeing his smiling face.