The Duchess

This Kingdom is on the move!

So sorry to be so quiet! I am still alive and someone is kicking all the time. Things are on the move in this Kingdom. Not content to nest in my 1400 sq.ft. house, Duke and I are moving to a beautiful 2800 sq.ft. home...in a week. That is seven days from now. SEVEN!  And in seven days I will be a full seven months pregnant AND we are going to San Francisco next Sunday morning for four days! Tomorrow I hit 27 weeks and while I breezed through my glucose screen I failed my anemia test rather spectacularly - extra iron for me! It would seem to be helping as I no longer need 14+ hours of sleep, I am down to around 10+ a huge improvement considering a non-pregnant me needs at least 8-9. I promise to update tomorrow - with pictures too!

How is that for bribery?

We are having a................. (23w5d)

...GIRL!!!!!!

She looks perfect.

She is perfect.

and even better

her heart is perfect!

Duke and I could not ask for anything more.

 

 

It's getting hot in here

Good morning everyone! It's hotter than shit over here in my neck of the woods. "Duchess how hot is shit?" Please allow me to tell you....105 as in One hundred and freaking five degrees. Of course that was yesterday, right now at 9:30am it is only about 78!!! Lord love a duck. The VERY best part about being pregnant when it is stupid hot out are the comments people make to me, my favorite being, "Wow guess you didn't time this pregnancy very well"

In other news I am 23 weeks today and the stinking Turkey sent me running to Doc Bowtie yesterday. Everything is fine the baby was just being a stinker and wouldn't move around. Of course as soon as Doc Bowtie put the doppler on my stomach McCubbin started to kick and was totally fine. Major Turkey. Clearly belongs to Duke and me.

That is all from here. I am participating in the Roundup Extravaganza so I am very busy reading Kathy's blog. Plus I am actually working on a very big post but it feels like the jinxing sort of thing so I am still holding off on actually putting fingers to keys but trust me the day is coming, probably next week. Double plus is that I have my repeat level II ultrasound next Tuesday, complete with fetal echocardiogram - Awesome!

Stay cool Internet Friends as you know I am over here sweating my ass off.

I was Gilmored.

I am a huge fan of the TV show Gilmore Girls. Some might say, "Hey Duchess, be a fan not a fanatic." but they just don't get it. Gilmore Girls has been my go-to show for mood elevation and relaxing since I was 20. If I need to veg out or I am sick or stressed I head there. I even keep an episode or two in my DVR so if I have a really bad nightmare I can get my mind off of it. In the early days of this pregnancy when I was super puking and bleeding and scared I would sit and watch for hours. Hell when I had my ectopic and they were getting me set up for my emergency surgery I managed to find an episode on TV. Lest you think all I do is sit on my butt in front of the boob-tube all day I used to read constantly and run and in general be an active member of society but during my first-trimester I could no longer concentrate on anything.

Anyway I think you get the point. I love the Gilmore Girls.

After my appointment yesterday Duke and I walked out of the building and just sort of stood on the sidewalk staring at each other. This morning I realized that it reminded me of an episode in Season 6(I had to look this up - I'm not a total freak show) where Lorelai and Rory go for dinner at the grandparents house and they are all fighting (in actuality they are doing some good work on their family issues) and when the ladies leave to go home they just sort of stand on the front porch looking drained and spacey. That was Duke and I yesterday, first we were so up and then so down and then up and down and Hey! When did we get dropped off at Magic Mountain?!?!

In hindsight I think I handled it pretty well, I came home, made some phone calls, ate cereal, took a three hour nap and then went to the Snoop Dogg and Warren G. concert last night. What? Isn't it normal to have a day where you are up and then down and then for fun you hit a gangsta rap show?

Today I am feeling decidedly upbeat and optimistic. Whether this baby is a boy or a girl - it is tough as nails and precious as can be. And if there is a pesky hole in the Cub's heart Duke already came up with a plan of action.

We, together, will fill it with love.

It's a bird; it's a plane, it's..... ***UPDATED***

I had my Big Ultrasound today.

At first they said it was a boy. Then they thought maybe a girl.

Then they decided it would be a better use of their time to look at the potential hole in my baby's heart.

Yes, you read that correctly.

The word Hole and Heart was used together.

Doc No-Bedside-Manner (NBM) assured (yeah right) us that if there is a hole it is very small and the hope is that it will repair during the last part of the pregnancy. If it is still small at birth then they will monitor until it closes and if it does not close then surgery will be necessary.

Please let it close

Please, please let it close

Does anyone have a comforting Hole in the Heart story?

***We have a follow up ultrasound on July 15th. He did say that with the heart being so small still that there is the possibility of artifacts showing up that might not be there. I should also say that Cub has two perfect arms and legs and ten fingers and toes, a very cute neck that was perfect and a button nose. That information along with the Quad screen dropped my Down Syndrome rate from 1 in 860 to almost 1 in 6000. All in all it was a good appointment - I just never want to hear the word hole and heart together again. I am however feeling less hysterical after taking a nap - I know that there is nothing I can do at this point other than to hope and pray.

For the first time I can say that pregnancy rocks...

The other night I was driving home from work on a road with a posted speed limit of 40 it then changes to 50 and at some point goes back to 40. My answer to this fluctuating speed zone is to go 55 - the whole way. I suppose that it should not have come as any surprise when I looked in my rear view mirror to see the bright flashing red and blue lights.

Fast thinker that I am rolled down my window and announced that I may have to get out of the car to throw up since I am five months pregnant. I have never seen a man get away from me so fast. He asked me to slow down a bit and when I asked if he wanted to see my ID he basically shouted NO!! Go!! Go!! Go!! And ran back to his car, hopped in and drove off. Finally a bright side to all the vomiting!

**********************DISCLAIMER*******************

This Kingdom does not encourage speeding of any kind. Also this excuse only works if you can actually get out of the car and puke on demand, if you attempt this excuse without the actual ability to follow through with the action and you do get a ticket please don't blame me.

Thanks!

Kingdom Management

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I am actually working on some posts about topics other than growing humans, but let's face it; I am kind of obsessed with my weird body right now. Next Tuesday is the Big Ultrasound and I am a bit preoccupied until then. One of the questions asked of me on the last post was about the sex of the baby. I had had a dream in which it was a girl and then I had the same dream and it was a boy, so who the hell knows. All of the old wives tales contradict themselves - according to them I am having both and let me tell you I can't afford the therapy bill for that one.  I think it is a boy and our families are divided half and half. I did take a belly shot but after looking at the picture I still look fat and not pregnant so maybe I will try again this week as I seem to be starting to round out a bit.

That's all from me for today! Have a good one!

 

17 Weeks

I have been quiet for good reason - things are going well. I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and had an appointment yesterday. I have gained a hefty 2 pounds bringing my new total to negative twelve. I am all the way into maternity clothes and as soon as Duke comes home I will have him take a belly shot. I had my Quad screen yesterday and have the "big" ultrasound on the 17th of June. I was granted a fast ultrasound yesterday and it was so nice to see the Cub or McCubbins as Duke and I call the little creature. Cub was all waving hello and bouncing around and finally looking human or at least as human as one can look when you are all black shadows.

I loved each and every comment that I received on my last post, I have been slow in returning comments and I am sorry about that. I am just so very thankful for this community and the support that it provides.

I turn the floor now to you - I can see that there are well over a hundred people looking at this blog daily, are there any questions you have for me? Anything about Duke or me that makes you curious? Let 'er rip and I will answer away. Hopefully it will help breakthrough my writer's block.

What is in a name you ask?

I will never forget the first naive time that I threw away my birth control pills and did the deed. I just knew that this was it, my whole life was going to be different, I was going to get pregnant immediately and while this thought was both exciting and scary I knew I was ready. Well as many of you know that was 134,064,561 cycles ago or July 1st of 2005.

Right away we began talking about names and making plans for our eventual offspring. I realized very quickly that Duke and I have very different ideas when it comes to naming a child. I like names with meaning behind them or a cool story or perhaps a favorite family member. Duke prefers something edgy and in the now but not too edgy, things like Pierce or Rescha (not even sure how to spell it but pronounced Ree-shaw) both perfectly fine names, if you don't live in a very small town where most children have never heard the name Pierce without it being associated with earrings.

Over time, as we have had plenty, we whittled the list down to two sets of names, one for a boy and one for a girl. We held on to these names through all the negatives, through the loss, through the breakdown and the eventual remodel of our marriage. The names were ones we had put thought into, perhaps I am over thinking the whole name thing but to me it is one of the most important first decisions you make as a parent. Your name is most likely with you forever and many people have very strong associations about/with names.

I think we really finalized the names we wanted right before our loss in 2006, when my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant and due the following August and we were all gathered as a family on 4th of July 2007 she was asking what we thought of various names and I made the largest mistake of opening my mouth and saying that the Only name that Duke and I agreed on was Lauren. Lauren Grace to be exact, I went on and on (blame the wine) about how beautiful it flowed with our last name and it was feminine while being strong and how the sound of it just made me happy.

I can't say for sure when or where my sister-in-law decided to name her child but her name is Lauren Elizabeth and she is beautiful, happy and sweet. I could lie and say it didn't hurt but it broke a small piece of my heart. It was one more thing being taken away from me because I didn't win the big baby race, when in fact I couldn't even enter my body in the qualifying event. I cried privately for that loss not wanting the Duke to know how much it bothered me. Not wanting others to think I was a poor sport or so bitter that I couldn't be happy for another person’s fortune. It never occurred to me that Duke may have been upset by this until one night when we were watching TV and he announced that should we have a daughter we would be naming her Ultimate Lauren One or Lauren the First. We laughed and I cried (as a side note several other people in my husband's family called me privately to see how I was feeling about the name) and I just figured that when the time came we would somehow find a name that made us as happy as that one.

I know that we don't know the sex of the baby yet, my hunch however is girl, and I have become rather obsessed with finding an alternative name should it really turn out to be a girl. I didn't realize how much so until I read Carole's post yesterday and was leaving a comment and all of my old anger and bitterness came bubbling to the top. Duke and I discussed it over brunch today and he says what the hell we can name her Lauren if we want to. In fact I believe he said he would dare anyone in his family to say a single word about it.

As with every other decision in my life Internets I am asking you, are two children named Lauren too much for one family? I should say that we do not see his sister often, usually not more than four times a year and in the two years we have lived in Southern Oregon(where her mother and father live) they have never come to our home. So here are my questions:

Has anyone ever used a name they know you love?

Would you still use that name if you are not close with that person?

Do you have any names to throw into our hat (that you will not be using of course...I am slightly sensitive to that)?

Thank you in advance for the assvice, I absolutely love it.

I never said math was my strong point

So, uhh I am 14 weeks today...not last week...major bummer to lose a week but only 10 weeks to the edge of viability. We are thinking of changing OB's from Doc Stoic (we are so not happy to see you #34567983645) to Doc...Well I will work on a name for him. He wears bow ties and cuff links everyday and I find that sweet, also he does not talk to me like I am stupid which would be a nice change from what I am getting at the other place. To prove my point I will now reenact a phone conversation with Doc Stoic's office this week.

Duchess: Hi, sorry to bother you but all of a sudden I am not puking but my cramps are so bad that I can't sit up.

Stoic: Great we will call you back (in like ten hours or when we have nothing better to do)

D: Hello

S: Hello Duchess, I have spoken with the Doc and he says we aren't worried so you shouldn't be either.

D: Well here is the thing bitch I was concerned enough to call you so perhaps you could give me some possible causes/solutions for the cramping.

S: Just relax and I am sure it will pass, if you’re still feeling bad in a day or two give us a ring.

While I am sure it really was nothing (cramps have faded and nausea is still there but much milder) I don't enjoy being talked to like I know nothing or as though I am some kid who just managed to get knocked up and has no idea about what reproduction really is or entails. I feel like shouting Have You EVER Read My Chart over and over every time I have to have an interaction with them. I am not exactly new to the gynecological block and I would prefer to be part of a practice that takes that into consideration.

In other news my mother is coming to visit me this weekend! She has not been to visit since the Great Ectopic of 2006; I am very excited to show her around and take her to brunch and just spend quality time with her.

I really am trying to get back into writing, I just feel weird writing about pregnancy on a site that was about not being pregnant. I don't know how much to say and I would hate to indirectly hurt someone who is actively in the trenches of infertility. On the other hand I remember wanting to read every last thing about some of my favorite bloggers when they were pregnant, holding on to the hope that I would be in that boat someday sailing towards something bright and sunny and away from the storm, I guess I am trying to say thank you for your patience while I navigate this new and wonderfully scary path in my life.

Alive and maybe kicking

Sorry for my lack of posting, things have been rolling right along around here. I am 14w1d, I am showing now and some of the vomiting has started to subside, the nausea is still here but manageable when combined with phenergan. I had my second OB appointment on Monday and everything looks good I was down another two pounds bringing the total loss to 15 pounds but fear not I have gained six inches in my waist. Real pants are a thing of the past.

I have several things I want to write about; my Nanna and Poppa, the 10th anniversary of the day I was attacked, a new career move, and marriage. However at the moment I need to catch up on my goggle reader which has 174 new items, I have been a very bad clicker (sorry Mel!) and must catch up. After that I promise to return to dazzle you with my wit and charm.